Age Vs. Immortality

Immortal life, sounds nice at times.  Though when you think about how economy is and where we might be headed your not sure if you want to take it, if anyone ever figured it out.  But when I think about it I would not choose an immortal life.  Sure death scares me but I also know that it is a natural way of life so I am also comforted a little that we aren’t just walking around the world aimlessly.  But I am digressing.  Life is so much more then getting to the top or fulfilling some sort of dream, it is about age and the milestones we conquer along the way.

Even though I didn’t know it at the time I was going through the milestones, each one making me the person I was meant to be.  At times it felt really though, mostly when I was a teenager and came to the realization I was going to have to grow up one day.  Other times I was just enjoying the ride.  My very first memory I can recall is when I was four years old. It was the first time I remember my family all being in one house, my mom, dad and two brothers.  Even though some of the time was not enjoyable I can remember the times that where as well.  Snow days when the hill was a ride for everyone.  Or the time my dad took me to school on his motorcycle for my birthday.  One of my favorites is when my younger brother and I would get onto the roof from our bedroom window and spy on our older brother, sometimes even throwing stuff at it.

At that age everything seemed easy. I didn’t worry about what clothes where fashionable, if a boy liked me, or what course I was going to take it college.  My only thoughts where if my friend would be home to play and how else I can annoy my brothers.  The next couple of years where kind of smooth sailing. I can recall my “Golden Birthday” where I turned eight of the eighth, we had a HUGE slumber party and we made personal pizzas and ice cream sundaes, even tackled a grown up friend of mine and had a pillow fight afterwards.  But I can also remember that is when things started to get a little rough for me.

It felt great one day but the next it felt like my entire would was spiraling.  All of a sudden my brothers didn’t live with us and my dad was no longer around. We moved from a house that I loved to the city where I didn’t know anyone.  It was a scary time for me. I was between stages in my life, going from a kid to a preteen.  Where clothes started to matter and if a boy liked you.  The next milestone I hit was one that everyone woman hits,  yep I had started my period.  I can’t remember if I was eleven or twelve though but it was rough.  I can’t remember a lot about it but I do remember I tried hiding it from my mom.  Today when I think about it, I hid it from her not because I didn’t want her to know but more because if she did know then that was just proof that I was growing up, something I was not to sure I wanted to do yet.

I always had a fight with growing up, I wanted to do it cause that meant one day I would be on my own but I was also terrified cause my mom wouldn’t be there all the time to tell me what to do and make sure things where alright, (but like any normal child I didn’t always listen to her).

So the start of my period was the start of growing up, and to me things just got more rough as each day passed.  I loved school, did my homework and did OK with grades.  But I also got teased a lot in school, though that never deterred me from wanting to go, to me being at school was better then being at home.  My mom had gotten married again so I acquired a step dad and a step sister, then she got pregnant and all of a sudden I was an older sister to three people.  Kind of rough when you go so long being the middle child.  So not only was I going through the life of a preteen but I was responsible for showing my younger siblings a good example (which at times I showed them exactly what NOT to do). But I was still going through the milestones.

Sixteen was the worst year of my life, but also one of the biggest milestones. I got my first real kiss and I also gave up my virginity. Both to the same person, and the same person I ended up going to prom with senior year, kind of ironic to me. Anyway, sixteen was bad, not because of the kiss but because I can not really remember a time where I was not in trouble for one thing or another. Most of the time it was my own fault. Deliberately not listening, skipping out on curfew and I even “ran away” a couple times. Then one day it seemed like everything turned around, sort of.

I decided that I wanted to enlist in the Washington Army National Guard.  It was a split program, which meant I went to basic the summer between my junior and senior year then went to my job training after I graduated.  After nights of discussion with my parents my mom agreed to sign the papers, I wasn’t eighteen yet so I couldn’t legally do it.  That summer was brutal but I had made it through. When I got back to school in seemed like I had turned a page, I was finally growing up. Because making the choice to dedicate yourself to an entire country for eight years will do that to you, plus I had to keep my nose clean and grades up if I wanted to graduate and go off to training. Senior year was a big one for me, a milestone I will always remember.

But the biggest milestone and the best year of my life (so far) was when I turned eighteen. I had graduated and was off to training. That was also the best summer I had until then.  I was in another state, away from everything I knew surrounded by people that would soon become my lifelong friends.  Then when I got back from training the big hit just kept coming, good ones though.  I got my own apartment, and started college. And then the partying began.  It wasn’t anything bad, there was just a lot of it.  But it also got old really quick.  I didn’t like cleaning up the morning after and it was just the same old thing every weekend.

The next couple years kind of went by. A couple more apartments, one long relationship and a couple of short ones. Twenty one came and went, and since I partied so much it wasn’t that much fun unless I was at a bar or club.  Then one day it hit me.  None of the partying was fun.  The hangover was not something I liked and frankly a club was sweaty and gross, though I still love dancing my husband is the only one I grind against now.  I realized one day that I was ready to settle down.  Thought that was crazy at my age but then I really got together with my now husband.

Spending time with him and his kids showed me what I really wanted it life.  When we got married it hit me what I was meant to do in this life.  Be a wife and mom.  Sure I always wanted a family of my own but I never thought I would get it, let alone that one guy I had been crushing on since I was ten years old.  Shortly after we got married I got pregnant.  My life has never been the same, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I wouldn’t go back in the past to change any of it.  Because I believe that everything happens for a reason, I am here for a reason, and even though it is not clear to me why I am enjoying it.

I went from being a carefree child, to a self conscience preteen, to an angry rebellious teen to a responsible adult, and now to a mom and wife. So immortality? You can keep it. Age is about reaching milestones, learning who you are and touching those around you, then in the end you get to rest (or die). So if everyone was immortal then there wouldn’t be an end and we would all just be really bored.  And I for one hate being bored.


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