OK so when it happened a few years ago I was like “alright I can handle this, it is not to bad and life is not over” then a few years went by and things got better. But BAM it happened again and it seems to be getting worse. How could I have let it get this bad and is it to late to turn things around and get back to normal? Hell, what is normal anyway? I had this image in my head but that is never going to happen. I can’t believe I have let my weight get away from me. I don’t even like looking in the mirror anymore, and I used to LOVE taking pictures in the mirror. Now I can’t stand to look at myself. I don’t like it and it is high time to change it.
Summer is around the corner and it gets hot upstairs, I am not going to feel comfortable walking around with shorts and a tank top on if I don’t get some weight off. So here is the deal, it is going to happen. I have to get off my rump and do something about it. Maybe then a couple qualities about myself will change for the better as well. Why am I doing this?
Well, it all started in high school. I liked being skinny (which means I get depressed when I look back at pictures), I wore a double zero size pants and I didn’t have a problem picking out shirts without trying them on. Plus I had a nice plump butt and a rack to be proud of without the back aches. Then I joined the military, during the summer I got a lot more muscle then I thought I would. OK not a problem I still wear a single digit pants and my shirt size only changed one size.
OH crap, I just graduated and went away for some more training. Yup, you got that right, I gained more weight. I didn’t like this at all, but I didn’t do anything about it. I worked, I went to school and I partied. Years went by and I gradually had to buy bigger pants and shirts, soon enough I was sharing shirts with my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend). I stayed there for awhile, didn’t gain or lose anything. I was sort of comfortable, I just chalked it up to growing up and filling out. Then I went to work in a restaurant, long hours, no sleep and always at a club on the weekend. I lost thirty pounds. Boy was I happy. YES finally I am smaller and I need more smaller clothes. This went on for almost a year.
There went that job, and now I am a stay at home “mom” ( we weren’t married yet). Slowly the pounds came back, which made me sad so I would eat food to comfort myself and we all know how that cycle goes.
Oh wait honey, I am pregnant. Gained over 30 pounds being pregnant. Lost a little after Monster was born. Lost a little more when I got my gall bladder taken out. I work out pretty regularly now. I should watch what and how much I eat as well but I don’t. So why am I so pissed about it now? I am pissed because I know this is mostly my own fault, but mostly pissed cause I swore to myself many years ago that I would never break 200 pounds. Went in for my birth control appointment and WHAM this lady is 201.8 pounds. Granted I was wearing my clothes, I just ate and I was a little bloated. So we will say I was 200 flat. That is not very many pounds away from my husband.
I am a short woman, 200 pounds does not look good on me. So now not only do I not like looking at myself but I don’t want to look in a mirror. I am so mad at myself that I let it get this bad. I am even more mad that I can’t be mad at anyone but myself. I am going to get myself out of this mess, I know it will take awhile and I will have to keep telling myself that. I am the type that likes things to get done now now now.
How am I going to do this?
Well that part I am still working on. I know I have to watch what I eat, how much I eat and when I eat. No more snack before bed. No more snacking while watching television. No more candy and I need to continue not to drink coffee or red bull (only slipped a total of 4 times between both since the beginning of the year). I am also going to crank up the working out aspect. Instead of just working out twice a week I am going to work out more. I am going to do my class at the YMCA but I am also going to do stuff at home. Got a whole routine worked out and I am going to start today.
Did my work out for today but I will do more later tonight. Now I need to see progress so I am going to have my husband take shots of me. Each side, front, back, left, right. Then I will have him do it again each month so I can see the progress. I am going to get a tape measure and take my measurements around my body so I can see the numbers as well. I am getting pretty excited about this. I not only need to get healthy for myself (I seriously hate being fat, and that is exactly what I am now) but I need to be healthy for my kids. I need to be able to run around the yard with them. Keep up with Monster when he learns how to walk then run.
I can’t believe I let myself get this bad, but at least I am going to change it. And I hope you are with my every step of the way. I will keep my followers updated on progress. Even upload the pictures so you can see it as well and I hope I can motivate or inspire some of you to get healthy as well.
I am optimistic that I will get smaller. My goal is to lose 50 pounds in 6 months. That is about 8 pounds a month I need to lose. And after I lose it I will be keeping up on it. So stay tuned.