Why do I fear this?

Fear. It can make us or break us. We can over come it or let it over come us. But what about the fear that you have no control over? How do we over come that. More importantly how do we prevent it from over coming us?

I used to fear deep water, if I couldn’t touch the bottom and still breath then I was not comfortable, thanks to my older brother being “funny”. I also fear being on ladders, also thanks to my older brother. But I can still do both of those (especially if my older brother is nowhere around).  Still, there is one fear that I fight with every single day. Every time I leave the house, or lay my son down for a nap.

Am I going to be able to keep him safe and alive.

It is the BIGGEST fear I have. No getting around it. Though it is weird, I don’t let it keep me from doing things.

I still throw him in the air. Lay him down for naps. Let him crawl on the floor and put stuff in his mouth.

So this fear is confusing and sometimes doesn’t even make sense to me.

But it is there, full boar all the time.

Even more so when I get in the Jeepster and drive. People on the roads can be stupid, doesn’t matter how safe you try and drive.

I am always afraid someone is going to side swipe me. Or T bone me. Or even worse, hit me so hard that I flip. And it isn’t my well being I am afraid for when it happens, it is my son’s.  But that doesn’t stop me from going anywhere.

Like I said before, it is confusing even to me. I am afraid of so many things when it comes to him. Is he going to allergic to this? What if he chokes on that? What happens it he gets stung by a bee? Or he has major allergies. What if my son gets asthma and I can’t be the one to give him his treatments ( I am allergic to the medication)?!?!?!?!

All these questions run through my mind. So why does it not stop me?

Still working on that one, but so far I have that I don’t want it to stop me. I don’t want to be one of those new moms that never goes anywhere cause she is afraid of the world. I want Monster to go out there and explore the world, even though right now that involves him putting everything in this mouth (ugh).

I live everyday knowing that something bad can happen at any moment. But I don’t let it stop me. I am just aware of it and more aware of my surroundings. Weird I know, but it works for me and my son is not sheltered.

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