Lately I have not been feeling 100%, or even like myself. And to add to the punches I weighed myself this morning and rang in at 201 pounds. I have not been that heavy since I was 7 months pregnant. So I was doing a mental look back and realized that I have let my eating habits go. Sure I have been working out at least twice a week. But that isn’t enough. Monday I ate almost an entire bag of chips to myself. Last night I ate a HUGE plate of nachos for dinner. Then had a hand full of candy before bed.
So I did a little inner looking and might have found my problem. I am going through a little personal funk in my marriage. For like the last week I have felt like things have been off between my husband and I. I don’t remember kisses in the morning. He seems to get irritated at me a lot more quickly then usual. And he doesn’t call during the day as much as I feel he used to. Add all this to the struggle and stress of getting back in school and I have a recipe for disaster. Not sure if the marriage stuff is because he is going through something and won’t talk or if it the stress of his job that is finally reaching home. But all of this is having an effect on my personal well being.
I don’t like being this heavy. I don’t feel good, and I don’t see myself as pretty. I wish there was a way to work through all of this. I just need the stress to lessen a little bit so I can get back on track. Feel like I have control over my eating habits instead of my emotions having control over them. Also I think I am going to suggest date night to my husband. See if maybe we get out of this environment and away from the kids for awhile we can reconnect. I love him so much and I don’t like this feeling. I just wish he would talk to me. I know he is not being unfaithful cause the man has no game, and he has stated that it would take to much effort to hide everything and what not. I am just afraid he is bottling everything up like I am. Due to our living arrangements it feels like we can’t be ourselves, and that can have an affect on people.
My plan of action is as follows:
- I am going to continue to pray, that has worked in the past
- I am going to write down everything I am worried about with school and try to solve them, some might just be nerves cause I don’t know what is to come.
- I am going to suggest and kind of insist on a date night, where we can just be the two of us. Maybe dinner and a movie with a small walk afterward.
- I am going to work out more. Even if I need to just go and walk on the treadmill while the Monster is in the nursery.
- I am going to stop buying junk food and being more conscious on what I am eating between meals. Even if I need to set an alarm to tell me when to eat a snack.
Hopefully this is the lowest I will feel about my weight this year. Hopefully with time and a little prayer things will get better and we will get out of this funk. I sure hope so. Everyone goes through a funk right? It just all depends on how we decide to deal with it in the meanwhile, that determines how we are when we finally get rid of the stench.