My whole entire body is shaky. But I need to write about this before it drives me nuts or I get a panic attack. Because it feels like I really did do it, and that scares the shit out of me.
I just woke with a jolt about 10 minutes ago. Right before then I was nice and asleep. Monster had been up late with a nasty cough and a bout of vomiting. Which thankfully was just a one time thing on my grandparents kitchen counter. After that he went to sleep and I got to sleep as well. So then I am in dream land. Somewhere where you are suppose to escape to an island, a castle, or anywhere that makes you happy right? Usually.
It was so vivid to, which scares me cause it could happen. Here is my dream.
I had just gotten home with my oldest and Monster. It was a nice day so we took our ice cream treats and went outside. For some reason we decided to go outside the gate and eat them on the wall next to where we park our vehicles. There we were, enjoying our ice cream. All of a sudden a beige Subaru Outback of sorts pulls into our driveway. Nobody but me and the kids are home. I leave the kids on the wall to go investigate. I come around the guys door but he is already headed toward the first gate. I swing behind him and ask what he is doing. Then he pulls out a gun and points it at me.
Before he can do anything I have a hold of the gun and I am trying to point it away from me and NOT in the direction of the kids. Some how I punch him in the face with the gun and he collapsed to the ground. Then it is sort of a blur. I kind of feel like I screamed at my oldest to get Monster in the house and hide, but I also feel like they were in the house during the struggle. Either way they were in my bedroom, crouched between my bed and a dresser. So when I went upstairs I told them not to move, that mommy was going to protect the house. I grabbed my husbands pistol, calked it to make sure a bullet was in the chamber.
Then I made my way downstairs. I was not sure if the guy was still down or if he had made it in the house. But I remember being able to come down the stairs silently. I was on the third stair up when a bullet came flying at my head. Thank GOD it missed. So I shot through both our doors and miraculously hit the guy square in the head. When he fell I noticed that there were two guys dressed in black suits that had been holding a gun to his head. So I shot one guy in the face and he fell to the ground. The other guy I shot in the stomach. I proceeded down the hallway and into the kitchen. That is when I woke up.
The dream was so scary cause it felt so real. It was like it was a normal day at home. And when I woke up I felt like I had actually shot someone. I feel myself wanting to look behind me every second. Thankfully my hands have stopped shaking. But I am diffidently going to be getting my permit so if anything like that does happen then I can legally use my pistol to defend my home.
I know that some dreams are a result of something you watched right before bed. The only thing I saw before bed was a scene from the show Castle. And all that included was the three main guys huddled around a computer. So maybe my dream was brought on by an episode I once watched of the show. I didn’t stick around long enough, in my dream, to find out.
How do I process this? What if it is the universal telling me something? Why weren’t any of the Greyhounds at the house anyway? All of this is scary, and I would much rather forget it. But at least it is written down and I don’t feel so scared. I won’t be going back to sleep, partly cause I need to start my day but mostly cause I don’t want to chance having that dream again. So I am going to pour myself a cup of coffee and calm down some more. Until then… ME!