The PreTween Blues… the Mom Version

I knew it was coming. I thought I was prepared. I guess not. Our oldest will be 13 in a couple months, and I will tell you what, I love her to the moon and back but lately I just want to scream. The child brings a whole new level to being air headed. We were headed to the library to pay off her fine and I was talking about her money and what we were going to do once she paid it. When we got to the library I asked where her money was. She said she forgot it. I was shocked. I told her we had been talking about her money and her fine the whole way to the library and she just now tells me that she doesn’t have it? She said she forgot. So in the end she forgot that she forgot her money while we were talking about her money.

Things like that have been going on for awhile. And her dad doesn’t think it is her growing up, he thinks it is all my fault. That I am too hard on her and she is afraid of me so she forgets everything. I am not that hard on her, I just guess I expect more out of her then she is capable of at this time in her life.

I was not sure what to do so I gave up. I have left everything to my husband. If my oldest wants to do anything then she has to make sure she has everything done before even considering asking me,otherwise the answer is no and it stays no. But she can ask her dad and if he says yes and she knows her stuff is not done then she is making him a fool. I am no longer taking her to her friends house or to school functions that don’t impact her grades. I have tried everything I can think of to help her and nothing works. I have taught her everything I can at this point in time. So it is up to my husband to do it.

It makes me really sad because we used to be so close. We were a team. We used to have so much fun. Now all I get is blank stares and dirty looks. I even get huffs and puffs when I call her on her crap. Unfortunately her dad has not seen all this yet, but, give it time. She keeps making him a fool and she will pay for it. He will understand how hard it is to help her and teach her things.

I know I sound like I am whining but if you knew the child you would understand. They have never made me feel like the step mom like they do now. And it better change otherwise I am likely to blow a cork and tell them how I really feel.

So far it is going fine. I have had the luxury of telling her no because her things are not done. And she realizes now how much I helped her. I know that my problem lies in the fact that I don’t want her to fail so I am on her about everything. But now is the time to see what she has learned and to deal with her father in the process. It will not be fun for her but I have done all that I can and she still chooses to do the opposite. We will see how it goes and who survives.

It is not fair to the rest of the family if I spend all my time on her. Making sure she does things right when she knows how to do them in the first place. I don’t need to tell her when to take showers or when to do her laundry. She knows when and how to do all of that. So why should I waste my time and breath?

The teens years are going to be difficult and I am not looking forward to them. I just pray for some guidance and patience so that I can come out of them alive.  I hope that shedoes not rebel to much. And I hope more then anything that my husband sees what his oldest is playing at and corrects it. Because she has him wrapped around her little finger so hard that it will fall off eventually. I just hope that he doesn’t blame me for that as well in the end and takes some responsibility.

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