I am just going to come out and say it… I despise clothes shopping. But, it wasn’t always like that. I used to love shopping for cute clothes that I could wear. I would waste an entire paycheck at my favorite shops. I could pick out a pair of jeans I knew would fit and leave, but instead I would try them on. Not to make sure they fit, but to see how I looked in them. Then I had a kid.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my son with all my heart. But I miss the body I used to have, and I know I will never get that back. Even though I know it, I haven’t exactly accepted it yet. Working on it.
Now it is a hassle to shop for clothes. I still have my baby pouch so it is impossible to get shirts that fit, look good, and I feel comfortable in. The result is sticking to baggy shirts or men’s t-shirts. Getting a new bra is a joke because I don’t know my actual size. And because I have a big stomach it is very uncomfortable to wear anything but a sports bra, which is not sexy at all. Jeans are my worst enemy. I absolutely hate shopping for jeans. Yoga pants, leggings, sweats no issue. But jeans, I could deal without.
See, when I wear jeans they give me a second stomach because of how they fit. I also have huge thighs so it makes it close to impossible to find jeans that go passed my thighs and still fit right. So, when I find a pair I wear them till I can’t anymore. Thankfully my size has not gone up at all, I have been staying at a size 16 for the last 4 years. Honestly, I would rather be at an 8 but that is going to take a lot to get there and I can’t get past not liking my body to move forward.
It is getting better though. I went to the thrift store with my daughters yesterday for the Labor Day sale that was being held. I knew I needed jeans because I was down to one pair and I just discovered I got a grease stain on it. I usually hate getting jeans because I will try on 30 pairs (no joke, I count) and will leave with maybe 2. It is very depressing and I am usually in a funk for a few days after. Which results in avoiding the mirror and eating lots of comfort food (not helping, I know). But yesterday was different.
I decided not to count how many I tried on. I chose a few pairs from a few different sizes because I knew I had lost weight recently. Out of all of them, which there was a lot, I left with 4 pairs. And I didn’t settle, I bought them because I was comfortable in them, not just because I needed them and they would work. It’s progress.
I hope that one day I can wear a size 8 again and love my body. But I think my first step should be to feel comfortable in the body that I have now. Maybe on the next shopping trip I will leave the store with some shirts as well, so stay tuned. Until then… ME!