Where has the Time gone!

I feel like it was last month that I was bringing Monster home from the hospital. When he was screaming his head off because he didn’t want to get dressed.

I feel like it was last week when we were headed to our first swim lesson, where he held onto me for dear life. Then realized water wasn’t so bad and had a blast.

I feel like it was yesterday when he started to potty train and ride a scooter like he had been doing it his entire life. As easy as if it were breathing.

And now, in a few short days, he will be three. I will be a mother of a three years. With countless diapers, screaming matches, blow outs and sleepless nights. It has been a wild ride. The older he gets the more personality comes out. He is very short tempered and knows his likes and dislikes. He knows when he is in trouble and how to get out of it when he really wants to. Everyday is a new adventure with him, and in a few short years he will be off to Kindergarten.

It still amazes me everyday that I gave birth to another human and that I have been able to keep him alive this long, let alone happy. This kid is the light in my eye and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Sure he irritates me till I want to cry, and he is just as stubborn as I am, but he is such a happy little boy. It both saddens me and fills me with joy to see him grow. I am ready for him to be a big boy, to not have to change diapers, but I feel like it went by too fast.Can’t we just rewind and enjoy cuddle time just a little while longer? Can’t we pause for a bit and see his joyful smile at seeing a popsicle? Or better yet… can’t we just put his giddy little laugh on repeat and just listen until we pee ourselves laughing cause it is so contagious.

I know there are many many more memories to be made on his road of life, and I look forward to them, but I love having a little boy who is so happy to see me when I come back to him. And one day that innocent joy will be gone and replaced with a sarcastic teen who is embarrassed to be seen with me.

So for all you moms of little ones, hold onto to it. Remember all the smiles, laughs and up the back poopy diapers… because in no time they will be turning three and you will wonder how you missed the last cuddle.

A Swimming Monster

It feels like it was last week that Monster and I were headed to our very first swim lesson. That I was carting a huge stroller, diaper bag and swim bag into the gym to get us both ready. It feels like last week when we sang our first hello song in class, the look on his face was priceless (even today he will only look and won’t clap along with the song). Monster would hold onto me for dear life, afraid that I might let go and he would fall into the water, but then he would realize that it wasn’t so bad. That in fact it was fun. He would splash non-stop. His favorite way to get into the pool is what we call the Alligator slide, it is when you slide into the pool on your tummy and you are totally submersed under water. He loved it when I would do that to him. Then there was Monday.

As we progressed through the different stages I knew it was coming. I knew that one day my son wouldn’t need me in the water anymore. That I would become one of those moms that sat on the bleachers fanning myself and waiting for class to get over. Silently telling my kid to behave and listen to the teacher. I just didn’t think it would happen so fast.

Since the beginning of this session (which run in five week intervals with one break week between) Monster’s teacher and I have been working me out of the pool. Gradually Monster would be with his teacher more, or he would be on the tot dock with the rest of the kids. Patiently waiting his turn to do the swim circuit. Then for these last two weeks I got suited up but didn’t get in. I just sat poolside with my feet in the water. The only time Monster acknowledged me was when he crabbed walked on the wall then got out to walk around me and get back in, all the while listening to his teacher. After watching him his teacher approached me about what we need to do next.

He caught us out in the lobby as we were attempting to leave. He said that he is amazed at Monster’s progress, and that Monday I didn’t need to even suit up. He strongly thought that Monster was ready for mommy to stop coming with him. That was it, that was the last time I was to get into the pool with my baby boy. I have been strung up with emotions since. Not sure if I want to cry or laugh. I am beyond proud of my Monster, but I am also sad that he is growing.

So Monday I sat in the bleachers with the other moms fanning myself and waiting for class to be over. But you could tell I was the “new” mom because I was taking pictures like crazy. Even took video footage of Monster swimming. And the bleachers is where I will be sitting tomorrow.

I am so proud of how far he has come with swimming. He can do his kicks and paddles. He loves bobbing in the water and crawling the wall to get to the other side. He can get in and out without any help from me. He even holds his head under the water until he can’t breath. And his floats are getting better and better each week. Soon enough he will be doing it all without the aide of his teacher. I know I should be happy for him, and I am, but it is still sad to see that the older he gets the less he needs me for things.

I thought I would be happy when he started to do more and more things on his own, but then I became dependant on him needing me. So I have found a new way at looking at it… he may not need me for swim lessons anymore, but there will be other things he will need me for. And you know what…. I look forward to that. So beware all who get into the water… there is a new Monster swimming around!

I’M BACK!

My loyal readers, I am sorry (once again) for going MIA. I have been busy unpacking boxes and going to school. But as of yesterday I unpacked the last box for the house. Now it is just making sure everything is in its place, and putting up pictures. Next we will go into my husband’s garage and sort through things that need to go into storage. I am still renting a space, but the goal is to put everything into tubs so it can go into our little storage shed. Also, my husband is ready to use ALL of his garage. Should not be to hard to do in a couple hours. The hardest part will be taking them to storage.

On top of the household stuff I have been going to school. Thankfully I got a break in math, meaning the material my professor is teaching is stuff I either pick up quickly on or I already know it. So I have been able to relax a little. My computer class has been falling behind because it is self paced, so I have not been working on it, and now I really have to cram it in cause the quarter is almost done. My Communications class has been going great. We finished our group projects and I got a pretty good grade on it. Now it is just wrapping things up and studying to take the final. I am excited for the quarter to end because I am even more excited to take my classes for Spring.

I am a little nervous about one class but I am sure I will do fine. I have two online classes and one class in the evening twice a week. But I am excited to take these classes because now that I have my degree on track and I know for sure what I am working towards I am beyond excited to get started on it. Good things are in store for our family.

Monster is doing great in his swim lessons. We are to the point where I am not needed in the pool. The last two weeks I have been sitting on the side of the pool, and he hasn’t really noticed I am not in there. Then last week his teacher said that I could try not getting in at all. I am going to take my swim suit though, just in case. I have confidence that Monster will do fine though, he really likes his teacher and he thoroughly enjoys playing in the water. I am excited to see his progress, and I am not as sad as I was in the start because I know that him growing up is what is needed and there will be other things I can do with him, or things that he will need me for and I look forward to it.

As you can imagine with all the things going on I have not been able to read much. Sadly I have fallen behind in that category. Though since I am going to focus on potty training Monster next week I have been reading a potty training book. Once I finished it, I will post a review. I am still reading the health book, just very slowly. And speaking of health, I haven’t lost any weight, and I haven’t gained it either. I have restarted the squat challenge for a third time now.  I am currently on day four. Now that the house in unpacked I can form and get into the groove of a schedule. Also, with only one class on campus next quarter I can workout before/after swim without having to rush. And my kids hooked up the Wii Fit board so I can check that out. Even my husband is trying to find a Zumba disk I can use at home. I truly excited for it all.

I think that about covers it. Life has been busy, hectic and wonderful. My disk is uncovered and organized now so I can sit here and write all day if I wanted and not have to worry about putting it away. But for now I have to go… Monday is swim day. Oh and one last thing… it just occured to me that I have had this blog for a whole year now, so Happy Blogiversary to me! Thank you my loyal readers for sticking around. More to come later. Until then… Me!

The PreTween Blues… the Mom Version

I knew it was coming. I thought I was prepared. I guess not. Our oldest will be 13 in a couple months, and I will tell you what, I love her to the moon and back but lately I just want to scream. The child brings a whole new level to being air headed. We were headed to the library to pay off her fine and I was talking about her money and what we were going to do once she paid it. When we got to the library I asked where her money was. She said she forgot it. I was shocked. I told her we had been talking about her money and her fine the whole way to the library and she just now tells me that she doesn’t have it? She said she forgot. So in the end she forgot that she forgot her money while we were talking about her money.

Things like that have been going on for awhile. And her dad doesn’t think it is her growing up, he thinks it is all my fault. That I am too hard on her and she is afraid of me so she forgets everything. I am not that hard on her, I just guess I expect more out of her then she is capable of at this time in her life.

I was not sure what to do so I gave up. I have left everything to my husband. If my oldest wants to do anything then she has to make sure she has everything done before even considering asking me,otherwise the answer is no and it stays no. But she can ask her dad and if he says yes and she knows her stuff is not done then she is making him a fool. I am no longer taking her to her friends house or to school functions that don’t impact her grades. I have tried everything I can think of to help her and nothing works. I have taught her everything I can at this point in time. So it is up to my husband to do it.

It makes me really sad because we used to be so close. We were a team. We used to have so much fun. Now all I get is blank stares and dirty looks. I even get huffs and puffs when I call her on her crap. Unfortunately her dad has not seen all this yet, but, give it time. She keeps making him a fool and she will pay for it. He will understand how hard it is to help her and teach her things.

I know I sound like I am whining but if you knew the child you would understand. They have never made me feel like the step mom like they do now. And it better change otherwise I am likely to blow a cork and tell them how I really feel.

So far it is going fine. I have had the luxury of telling her no because her things are not done. And she realizes now how much I helped her. I know that my problem lies in the fact that I don’t want her to fail so I am on her about everything. But now is the time to see what she has learned and to deal with her father in the process. It will not be fun for her but I have done all that I can and she still chooses to do the opposite. We will see how it goes and who survives.

It is not fair to the rest of the family if I spend all my time on her. Making sure she does things right when she knows how to do them in the first place. I don’t need to tell her when to take showers or when to do her laundry. She knows when and how to do all of that. So why should I waste my time and breath?

The teens years are going to be difficult and I am not looking forward to them. I just pray for some guidance and patience so that I can come out of them alive.  I hope that shedoes not rebel to much. And I hope more then anything that my husband sees what his oldest is playing at and corrects it. Because she has him wrapped around her little finger so hard that it will fall off eventually. I just hope that he doesn’t blame me for that as well in the end and takes some responsibility.

The Innocent Ones

I have been reading a lot of articles about children. Unfortunately not of the good nature. I read about babies being left unattended for days and dying of starvation or diaper rashes. Of children being left in squalor. More of children being abused and dying of the injuries. And all I can think is “why, why do people have children if they are going to do this to them?”

Never in a million years would I do anything like that to my children. They are a gift from GOD. Something to be cherished, always. Yes, raising children is hard, no one every said it was easy. But still, you hear of so many parents neglecting innocent children. It breaks my heart, and it makes me cherish my children even more. It also makes me mad that someone would do such harsh things to an innocent child. So many couples are out there wishing they could conceive. So many more people out there are having children then tossing them away. Or using them as cash cows to get help from the state instead of working for a living.

When is this all going to end? When are people going to stop taking their anger out on the little ones? The ones who can’t defend themselves. It is a cowardly thing to do, taking things out on someone who can’t defend themselves. I pray that our innocent children are safe, that someone looks out for them. This issue makes me so angry that I can’t form the words to fully convey how I feel.

My son is my world. He is my flesh and blood. I carried him for nine months. Spent six days in the hospital waiting for his arrival. I have spent many sleepless nights trying to get him to sleep, or work out a gas bubble. There have been hundreds of diapers. Thousands of bottles. Swim classes, play dates, naps. All of it cause he is here. Sure there have been times where I am overwhelmed cause I got next to no sleep and he still won’t nap. And sure there have been times where he keeps getting into stuff he knows he shouldn’t. And sure there have been days that seem like they go on forever, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I have wanted my son for as long as I can remember. And now that he is here I cherish him. I know that he is my gift from GOD. I know that it is my duty to teach him things, to raise him to be kind in this hateful world. I take on this task head on, and so far my son is amazing.

He brings a smile to my face, even when he is being bad. He is learning new things everyday, and he is happy about it. He grows so much that it is hard to believe that he used to be so small. His favorite color is blue. He loves trucks. Looks good in shorts. He is very kind, smart, funny and full of joy. He loves to play with balls, he is getting better at throwing them and is working on kicking them. He loves to swim and is getting better at it every week. I love him so much it hurts. And it brings tears to my eyes when I think of all the babies out there who don’t get the things he does. All because someone took that from them so violently and now they are no longer with us.

Maybe I don’t understand why someone could hurt a baby cause I love mine so much? Maybe I can’t comprehend why someone would neglect a child cause mine is so free spirited? Maybe I can’t, but I am glad, cause I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to have the capability to be able to do that to a little, innocent baby. It makes me want to cry when I think of all that the cowards took from the lives of children, of who the children could have become if only they had a chance.

Such cowards do not belong in this world. They don’t deserve to get help to “cure” themselves. They deserve to rot in jail and to be forced to think of their actions.

As for me, I am going to cherish my son till the end of my days, cause I love him more then anything in this world. So next time I read an article about a lost baby, I am going to pray for the soul of that baby, not for the coward cause they don’t deserve it. Then I am going to go play with my son and revel in his growth cause I get to be a part of it. Until next time… ME!

Another Milestone

It is official. My oldest daughter has a boyfriend. I don’t even think she realized it happened either. When I think about it, well I am not sure how to think of it. It is just so weird. I thought for sure she would not be interested in boys until she was at least in the eighth grade. But here she is in the sixth grade and with a boyfriend.

Her father and I never really discussed boyfriends. He didn’t really want to. Guess we will have to now. But how do we talk about. If we tell her she can’t then she will have secret boyfriends (like I did at her age). If we tell her she can have boyfriends then how do we work that out? Which parent stands on the sidelines during a date, us of them?

I don’t even want to think about her kissing another boy. Though at her age I wasn’t kissing boys, that part was still weird. If there was any kissing then it was done on the cheek cause we were to shy to do it on the lips. But just the thought of her thinking about kissing boys makes me nervous. I can honestly say that this part of parenting has me stump. I have no idea how to proceed. Which alone is weird for me.

See this is another reason why we need our own place. Because then she can bring her boyfriends home and I could keep an eye on her, or send one of her siblings in to do the job for me. I realize I am rambling and I appreciate you hanging in there while I go through my mini melt down. I am just not ready for this. I am not ready for her heart to be broken by a boy.

Guess my next step should be to sit down with my husband and write down some rules for having a boyfriend (like curfew and keeping up grades). Then sit her down and lay it all out for her. Now I am aware that she might have a different boyfriend every month. And I am sure that after a few boyfriends this whole concept won’t be so weird for me. But in the meanwhile? Not sure, like I am seriously stumped. My parents didn’t allow me to date at this age. And I “snuck” behind them to have boyfriends. But this is a totally different time. Guess we will have to wonder the road on this one to see where it takes us… okay, I think my melt down is done for now. Until next time… ME!

My Amazing Gift

I have wished for a family since I could remember. I was always playing house, even if nobody would play with me,I would pretend. As I got older the need got stronger. I was smart enough not to get pregnant in high school. I was to busy getting in trouble at home or in class. I was a wild fire is what I am told. In the back of my mind a family was still there. After high school I tried looking for a suitable person to settle down with. Came close a couple times but something would always come up and I would see that we were not a match. No big deal, I moved on.

Then came my dream guy. Well more like the guy I dreamed about. I wanted to be with this guy for as long as I can remember. We were married six months after we got together. Two months after getting married I found out I was pregnant.

Finally. Finally I was getting what I wanted. A family of my own. It didn’t bother me that he had two children already. I just wanted one of my own. It is like a yours,mine and ours thing (mine was a cat). It has been a ride ever since.

I look at my son everyday and just marvel at how much he has grown. It amazes me that I produced him. That me, someone who thought they couldn’t do anything right gave birth. Me, someone who feels the need to please those closest to me was able to have a child. A little boy none the less. It makes me cry for joy knowing that I was given this blessing. A very healthy blessing at that. It is the little things that make me aware of all this. Of getting what I have always wanted, and it being damn near perfect.

Today it was during play time. Monster wanted my attention really badly. Like he was climbing all over me, playing with things that he knew he was not allowed to play with. So I put everything down. Phone, laptop, snack, TV remote… all of it. Picked him up and carried him to his toy box. Where we continued to play with his toys (where I realized he does not have a lot of toys for his age range). I picked up a foam book to read to him. Apparently he wanted to look at it cause he took it from me. Well he was looking through it, trying to turn the pages. He opened it to a page (which happen to have a bulldozer on it), and asked me “what is this”. Now my little man doesn’t speak very many words,and defiantly not sentences. So this took me by surprise. I didn’t freak out or get super excited. I sat silently in the hallway with him, trying not to cry with overwhelming joy, and reveled in the fact that my son not only said a whole sentence (plain as day) but also asked me a question.

He is my little gift. My blessing. My answered prayer. My miracle. He never ceases to amaze me and I pray that never ends. The road is going to be long. There are going to be phases that will feel like they will never end and endless nights that will be just a phase. But for right now, I am going to soak in every moment I can. Document as much as I can so it can live on, and so I can go back and read it all when things get tough, like when we hit the terrible twos (it will help me remember that he was once cute). Until then though, I am going to enjoy every moment, every word, every nap and every snuggle. Because they won’t last forever.